The Beloved Queens Podcast

Swindled by my Prince Charming

March 07, 2022 Season 2 Episode 8
The Beloved Queens Podcast
Swindled by my Prince Charming
Show Notes Transcript

If you've ever been intoxicated by love, where you feel butterflies, your knees get weak, someone claims you as their person, and LIFE is beautiful.  You let your guard down, you trust, you're even talking about getting married and family.  Then  as quickly as it started the relationship dies.  You feel betrayed, abandoned and heartbroken.  You're left wondering, what happened to my prince charming?  Today the Queens discuss  the documentary, "The Tinder Swindler."  They share their own journey with fantasy vs reality and give practical advice and inspiration to those who have experienced heartbreak.

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Host:  Claudia Lewis, Veronica Grey, Tina Matherson
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Speaker 1:

If you arrived here this morning, broken, abandoned just completely left behind. In lack , not sure how to move forward. I'm gonna make these declarations over you. Yah . Our Abba father, the Lord is your best friend and your shepherd. In this moment, You will always have more than enough. He offers a resting place for you in his luxurious love. Can you see it? Can you feel it? His tracks take you to an Oasis of peace near the quiet Brook of bliss. That's where he restores and revives your life. He opens before you the right path and leads you along his footsteps of righteousness so that you can bring honor to his name. Even when your path takes you through the deepest darkest of Valley's fear will never conquer you for God. Already has. His authority is your strength and peace. The comfort of your love takes away. God, all of our fears, You'll never be lonely for God. ISNA he becomes your delicious feast. Even when your enemies gear to fight, he annoys you with the fragrance of his holy spirit today, he gives you all that you can drink of until your cup overflows. So forget about being in lack you're in overflow. So why should you fear of the future? Only goodness and tender love pursues you all the days of your life starting today. Then afterwards when your life is through you'll return to his glorious presence to forever be with him. So whatever is bugging you, you still win in the end. Whatever is meant for evil will turn into good for you matter what comes your way this week. Just keep saying whatever is meant for evil will be turned around for my good, just keep saying it. Whatever is meant for evil will turn into good for me because goodness is following you everywhere you go. Hello? Hello. Hello world. We're honored. You came back for season two of the beloved queen podcast. I'm Tina Matherson with my ladies, Claudia Lewis, everybody calls queen Trina and Veronica gray . Our queen V we let come again Queens .

Speaker 2:

Let's get it all. Ladies, Caribbean Queens in the ATF

Speaker 1:

For the next few seconds. Just rock with us . Rock with us . Rock with us next few seconds. Just rock with us .

Speaker 2:

Feel the vibes man ,

Speaker 1:

Navigating love these days is simply complicated. You try to figure out how do I meet somebody? Maybe I do it on an app. Um, maybe I go to a museum. Maybe I just get involved in the things that I love, like do trips and things of that nature, but it's really a complicated thing to meet somebody like them. Start a relationship, put your heart out there And possibly get hurt.

Speaker 2:

Trina, gotta tell you about something that she's are recently, but why we are revisiting the topic is because I see a lot of posts online about people talking about how influencers lives are, are , are fake. And um, it's not real because when they see them outside of what they post it's different and we all have that same issue about how Instagram and they take several pictures before they post it and they make sure that it looks, you know, angles and filters and all of that. But what Trina AGA brings to you because not so guru Trina. So I was watching Netflix earlier today and I I've been hearing people on social media. Talk about the tender swindler. It's a documentary about this man that swindled 10 million from these women. Where is it ? Basically? Can I six zero. You hear me ? $10 million all because he was selling them the fantasy that they wanted to believe. I'm buy into that. He was a prince and family . Them did billionaire, okay , billionaire hear them . And he ran with that story. And every woman he met, he win and D them five star restaurant, hotel, private jet for the first Mo he's showing them this lavish lifestyle. It's a dream. It's a fantasy. He is giving them roses and flowers and listening to them and telling them everything, what they want here . Fantasy land you see after the first month when they hold them and they in love with him, call them friend. All of a sudden him credit card is not working. Somebody's after him and his family trying to get to him. And he can't use his card of stories on top of stories. But basically these women start out allowing him to use the , their credit card. Why hiring him money ? Cuz he's always traveling from place to place. He's never in one country for too long, long story shot . Go watch the documentary people. It is very entertaining for a documentary. It's like a movie. Cause you're literally hearing these women retell their stories and it's real. This is real real . And they were able mono tell another one . No spoil alert . Yeah, no spoil alert . Let's just go into it. Because it , what I thought about was how was he able to do this for , I mean, this was over a period of years that he was doing this. This wasn't just our, it was over a period of years. He was able to do this and it's all because that's why he, he kept on moving. But that's why I'm keep moving. It's because we like to buy into this fantasy line about the romance. All he did was he was a prince and every woman wanna feel like a princess. Right? All he told them he was a princess. Yes . Upset at the story . Number one , go watch you seriously. I , he sold them the fantasy and they bought into it . And these are beautiful professional women, high level . Everybody's like , how did, how was he able to scam them and how nobody, their friends or whatever. Because the man for the first month I give them the lifestyle they wanted. Okay . He sold them the dream. He gave them the lifestyle he wanted and become that fantasy man. They were like, he was so caring. He was just so loving and listening. He was a great listener. He bought whatever the plan and profile him , just look at it and say , oh , this your , what ? This year I get , he checked their boxes. So ladies , you know, or of list I and a one time check the list. He was going down and checking the list.

Speaker 1:

As superficial as the list might be

Speaker 2:

Superficial the fantasy. So you said these women were highly educated education and UN feelings. You know , I was about to say, no, it's not even professionals. I mean, they were getting one, one lady, $250,000 in 250 . She's still a P F oh wow.

Speaker 1:

Last episode is , see , oh , we talk about the whole thing about , um, doing this person. Be the first who is telling you, I love your treat. You like, I remember TRIA always teach us this, the kids out on date so that it's not novel to them. When someone wants to take them on a de ,

Speaker 2:

Although some we're putting them them to expensive care party .

Speaker 1:

Oh,

Speaker 2:

Well that is

Speaker 1:

True.

Speaker 2:

They let's not go down that one. That's a different topic, different topic.

Speaker 1:

What was the learn for these women so that they, they lose all of their funding, the bank account . They just

Speaker 2:

Because they were buying into it's almost like you remember. We talked about the ends just means they thought that they were marry a prince and he was just going through a little struggle right now. But he's struggle .

Speaker 1:

Let me save him

Speaker 2:

Grand . That's nothing because he much more than I have. I'm gonna get that back in falls .

Speaker 1:

So ladies, here's my plug . You are not a man's savior.

Speaker 2:

Mm . Talk up the Kings . Tina,

Speaker 1:

A lot of fo want to save some of these men. You're not a savior darling . You're not, you're not a savior. You're not as a black woman. You know , as a Jamaican black lady, I get the message. Whether my parents wanted me to get it or not that there is nothing I can do. I don't take no finance . I just get it done no matter what, right? Some people don't need your help. Ladies. You are not here to save the entire planet. And a lot of times when you keep saving some men, they never grow up.

Speaker 2:

Oh , well

Speaker 1:

You say , cause they're not your children. They're not your kids. You have to allow them to be to grow .

Speaker 2:

Yeah. But in , in , in , in my eyes, am I really saving him? Or this is going to be my husband. Because as Trina said, these women fell in love with this guy. And if he's going to be my husband, I'm going to, I'm going to want to take care of him because he's going take care of me.

Speaker 1:

But you don't do that prematurely ladies.

Speaker 2:

Sure.

Speaker 1:

This is not your husband until

Speaker 2:

Hello. It

Speaker 1:

Is your husband.

Speaker 2:

So Trina, how long did they know? Like how long was the relationship? Do you remember? Some women said some women . It was what? 14 months. Some dated him for a couple of months. Different, different. That's the two that I remember. I don't remember the other ones because

Speaker 1:

Did any of them have rings?

Speaker 2:

He never proposed . So he never proposed any of these, but he talked to them as if everybody was his girlfriend. So they felt privilege . Like he chose me to be his girlfriend when he can't have any other woman in the world, he chose me. So that was the thing. Once he said, oh, you're my girlfriend. I see us having a family together and selling them the story with Y year . So he made them think that we're doing this together.

Speaker 1:

This is a man with a plan. We're going somewhere.

Speaker 2:

Hello? Yes.

Speaker 1:

And women need that.

Speaker 2:

Ah . You're including me in your lifestyle. You're including me in your life.

Speaker 1:

Future.

Speaker 2:

Yes. You're talking about having kids with me. Yeah. Wow. Wiki them . We , so when I watch, I was like, how could he do this to these women named call Leman . So what he'll do, he'll scan one woman and then it will meet another one. And the money we get from a , in my use , Palm B for wine , I died for roll her in. So that's how he kept it going. Ponzi scheme them, call it Ponzi scheme in Theon.

Speaker 1:

So ladies , here's one of the things you have to know how to pray. God show me who's a counterfeit.

Speaker 2:

Mm .

Speaker 1:

I promise you before. Yes . My spouse came. The counterfeit came. I promise you that word spouse came. There was a counterfeit. You have to.

Speaker 2:

And if the look real Tina , oh

Speaker 1:

Jesus, Maryanne , Joseph man . There is no way you noting sir . Suppose this because I AOP at the family, Aine everything. AOP thing . I , there's no way for you to detect, but, and sometimes y'all feel say , oh wow , God give me somebody like this. Okay ? So you have to guard your hearts. You have to guard your hearts because I'm telling you some men come on really, really strong. They come on like a man with a plant here. This prince person who is not even a prince, you're like, this is beautiful. Everything that I've ever wanted more than I've ever had. Well say

Speaker 2:

If it

Speaker 1:

Too good

Speaker 2:

To be true,

Speaker 1:

It might be,

Speaker 2:

It just might be no. But the truth is that you gotta realize, and this is where the reality hit. No one person can give you every single thing that absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Amen .

Speaker 2:

There we go with the T 20 rule. So you see , when you add the T you figure , I say yes, thank you father. Because no one person can ever give you the hundred percent.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. Nobody's perfect.

Speaker 2:

Nobody's perfect. So we need to acknowledge that because that's where the fantasy and the reality.

Speaker 1:

Yes ,

Speaker 2:

Yes . You're holding onto this fantasy. I said, oh my God, he's PR the money to be true . Am I prince? Am I come on now ? He was selling the dream.

Speaker 1:

Yeah . But every person is our work progress. Every

Speaker 2:

We all

Speaker 1:

Are. And all, when you get married to the person who is your prince chairman, whatever, he gotta work on stuff. I gotta work on stuff. Cause we all busted and coming from some busted pass . So don't look for the may

Speaker 2:

I carry this .

Speaker 1:

Oh God , we got backpacks with all types of things on Lady .

Speaker 2:

No , but , but here's the thing two ladies that would do to itself. Okay . Nobody not do to us. We love to point fingers at the man . And we don't take a look at ourself. You better preach. You know what I'm saying? Like, let's talk about our issues and what we got going on. What we bring into the table. What, what baggage jar can we quick for sec ? He's a mama's boy. Why miss ? And , and you're seeing all his flaws. Yous Takes two . It takes two. What are you doing? How you contribute into the relationship.

Speaker 1:

And again, who is running stuff through the love meter . Remember I give you the list. If you look on first Corine 13, you will see them. The list. If you're filtering them through just feelings or the fantasy , or you're filtering love through SW meets the eye. It has to be deeper than that.

Speaker 2:

Because then Trina said, don't you said the guy was handsome. He, he has a look . He had to look a P brought him dressing up . Yes. He dressed the part . He dressed, the part looked . The part . He was absolutely perfect. Have the accent at every wow . Trust me. You know, a lot of people were judging these women and saying , how could they have allowed them to do that? Whatever. And I'm like, you know, it's funny that you can say that because you're not in this situation. You can't, it's a lot of us get buy into these fantasy. They weren't the only ones let's keep it real. If you read books,

Speaker 1:

You buy tweet.

Speaker 2:

Hello? The romance , never them women love . I went season tour , bridge Turner , come out .

Speaker 1:

Bomb . Sh Rams , come on, girl.

Speaker 2:

It's it's it's soon. It's soon. The trailer was out. I saw the trailer two days ago. Yeah. I saw the trailer two days ago.

Speaker 1:

So , but you see those programming hard mark , all of these things that pull on your heart strings, but it does something to women. People know that we are programmed and conditioned for the script. What we have to reprogram our thinking to say is, it is a script. You have to reprogram mind , somebody imagine that and wrote it because they know it would connect to you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . But Tina , if you , yeah, but the thing is, is a fantasy and all of that. But there is a gap in my heart that I need to be filled. And I have a picture of what I want to fill that gap. So if someone is going to create the same picture I have in my mind, and someone actually bring forth that picture, why am I not going to allow them in? That's what people do.

Speaker 1:

That's what I did . What you talking people

Speaker 2:

Where's Chantel . Your

Speaker 1:

Businessly didn't have a real life . French . I swear. I said , go to the chapter and where go again . Me , couldn't see the forest from the trees. Cause it was such a beautiful cloud. It was the poetry. It was the saying everything, right? It's the finishing your sentences. Cuz you start talking .

Speaker 2:

It's like the story book

Speaker 3:

Beloved Queens podcast continues after the break.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 2:

So do you think that more people, as we said earlier, do you think more people are susceptible to that type of delusion because they were engrossed in either the, as you said, the Harley Queens , the romance novels, the, you know, the TV shows the, the lifetime movies and stuff, is it because there were more susceptible because you do have a, a lot of people who never got, you know, in that trap because they never saw that lifestyle or they never, so they , they didn't create that story in their mind. So is it just for a certain group of people who had that imagery either through books or movies or whatever, whatever, but because they created that. That's why they were more upset to , you know, the , the , the illusion on the con for me,

Speaker 1:

My mother lavished, all this love on me. Love, love,

Speaker 4:

Love, love, love, love, love, love,

Speaker 1:

Love, right? I read books about love and romance and all of this stuff. I didn't watch too much TV, but I did read a lot with all the different books in Sheldon and all stuff . Right? And it's all different romance, novels and things of that nature. But what was missing from my reality was my dad showing me what that reality was. So you just create something that you imagine love to be,

Speaker 2:

Create the story.

Speaker 1:

And then when that scenario shows up, which is not facts, it's based on books, it's based on your partial version of mommy showing love. Well , it's not partial. She just lavished it on me. So you're thinking if someone comes and starts doing the same thing, but in a male version, maybe this is right. Maybe this is what it's supposed to be. You don't have anything to compare it to. The father never show it. So you are seeing this through the first time where it's a male that is pouring that into you. And you're like, oh my gosh , it's intoxicating.

Speaker 2:

Mm .

Speaker 1:

You feel all the fields . You feel every butterfly, you feel your breath taken out of your body. Mickey . Can't just tell you. So it's so strong. You can get tricked because that is all endorphins. It's all hormonal. It's all emotions and love is not just emotions because emotions pass. After a while . It's like honeymoon stage, you know, where you're just like all over each other and everything. And it's just all over. It's fresh. And you just meet a person, you at a skip , a beat , everybody you have, you have , you've been in a attracting situation where you, it attracted to someone it's, it's raw attraction,

Speaker 2:

Attraction .

Speaker 1:

And sometimes some people mix that up with love.

Speaker 2:

It's so funny because there's always the opposite side where you create this cocoon of blockage where you , you wouldn't even allow someone. You know, when we, in , in the previous episode we were talking about like, I didn't trust people who said, I love you because you know, like Katrina is like, what am I , what am I , what am I know ? Like, what am I look? So, and , and then plus me never like read . So the male Zambon and the romance stuff there may not go watch, may not go read . So I didn't have that. Um, I never had that fantasy. And I think that we spoke like

Speaker 1:

Foundation ,

Speaker 2:

Right ? I didn't have the foundation to create that fantasy. And I was, you can call it jaded. Yes. It was probably jaded. I just didn't trust people who say the word. I love you too easily. You know? And so I'm not sure. I , I think I'm among the people who would be, because we are jaded , not caught up in the fantasy because we never believed the fantasy. I was never the girl to planned a wedding. I was never the girl thinking I was going to get married. So I never planned my wedding or my, you know, the party or the dress or the , I never had that. So in my thought process to , to , to, even to, for somebody to come and tell me both , they have this and they're going to give me this and they're going to create this lifestyle for me. I'd be like, no, bye you . I think there are some women out there like me because we are jaded. And because we, we , we kept that wall because of hurt, you know, whatever, trauma, whatever, whatever happened. So while you do have that, this can also be a delusion or a fantasy of like , love doesn't exist. So you do have that side where that's the fantasy where , but you have the other side where we just feel that it doesn't even exist. So why even buy it to it?

Speaker 1:

So I have

Speaker 2:

Both. I was about to say , me too. I have both. Yeah, because I had the romance novel made Disney movie them call , listen, beauty . And the beast me said , I , what ? You gonna kiss some beats and he's gonna be so sleeping build Tim said , okay . But I felt like I had both because I didn't trust on one hand. Right. I didn't trust. I didn't wanna get hurt. But then I also, I liked the idea of the romance Misa , sir . The , so I like the romance. Oh , okay . Okay . You know, so I like the process. I just didn't wanna get to the end results. I wasn't thinking about the marriage and the settling down part. I see. I was just, I love the dating and the romance part where you say you feel the feeling Letter and the , oh my God. He's so attractive . Da , da , da . I like that. I'm tell . I'm gonna love my man was smell good in , but anyway, But it , for me, I felt like I was in the middle. You know, I , I wanted both. I wanted it . I wanted both.

Speaker 1:

So what's funny was after my first part where I was all in the fields and all in the emotions and all in the dis and all into that you see, after my heart get break , I went on the opposite spectrum

Speaker 2:

Opposite. Mm .

Speaker 1:

So you see where Veronica is talking about the jaded. Now in order to get to my husband, I was very jaded. I was probably a little bit too . Come , always go from one extreme to the next. Okay .

Speaker 2:

No middle. No ,

Speaker 1:

I don't have middle I'm a extremist. Okay . So it was all Logics, right? I did not trust my emotions. I never trusted my feelings. Cuz I feared that my feeling would lead me to the wrong person. Other one was all fields . It was all fields. It was all emotion. So I, I feared that my feelings were gonna be deceptive and they would lead me to the wrong person. So all I'm saying is you don't have to be like me with the extremist. You can use logics, but you also have to have both sides where you are balancing the logics and the emotions so that everything is a balance. Everything has to be a balance. Everything has to be a balance. It doesn't have to be all, all are nothing. Or you know what I'm saying? You don't have to be all or nothing. You , you , you cannot be all emotions in your decisions. It's impulsiveness and that impulsiveness can lead you with the wrong choice. So if it's too strong, it's too perfect . It might be too hot. It might be Jo . Okay . You have to check that. You have to check that though . That's a huge red flag because women, most women are not Veronica. Most women are a lot of emotions, a lot of emotions, right? So if it's too emotional, you have to slow yourself down . And cuz trust me , once emotions start run, it's a hard, it's hard to come back out of. Once you are just being guided and led by that all the time. It's like a deep hole , like a key out of it ,

Speaker 2:

Which was why the woman didn't mind taking 250,000 than giving it because she was heavily. Yeah. She was heavily vested . Her emotions was all in there . All emotions, all

Speaker 1:

Emotions. It's endorphins. It's those emotions that, that it's those hormones.

Speaker 2:

Yeah . But a girl . Yeah . It will to see him .

Speaker 1:

It make it feel good. Those are those emotions. It , it make it just , you just, you just wanna do. Cause it's just, it's just woo . I feel great. And so, and people get caught up. We've gotten caught up a lot where we led with our emotions first and then it doesn't end out good. Cuz again , impulse cannot necessarily lead you down the right path. So that's why you use God, give us logic for a reason. He has given us emotions for a reason. So you don't dismiss those. What a healthy balance is very important, especially when you're trying to find somebody settle down with,

Speaker 2:

But they have to be read . Like I think as we said before, you have to work on yourself so that you don't get caught in that whole cycle of thinking that that fantasy will last because both people have to work on themselves so that you realize that, okay, I want to be in the real world. You know, you don't go on search for that. That theory , teal , that fancy fantasy. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1:

The bar shouldn't be, let me find prince charming cuz I'm Cinderella. It just shouldn't be. It just shouldn't be. People tell you that, oh my gosh, the wedding day, you are the princess and here is your prince. But the way Hollywood has marketed it, the store the storytellers have marketed it again. It's not vested in any kind of reality and you , you just don't wanna drink the Kool-Aid as they put it. You don't wanna be that one that get gypped because you're drunk . The Koolaid

Speaker 2:

Hell though ,

Speaker 1:

Right? There is no excuse for ignorance. People are out there trying to play people. That's the Fox people literally out there trying to play folks , frankly. Some of them have no intentions of settling down, but they wanna date the as person. They wanna date the smartest girl in the room. They wanna date the prettiest girl in the room, but they are not going anywhere. Permanently discernment is critical and they will take your money, take your heart and leave you in a pile on the floor. They are literally people who don't care. What happens to you. So they use the words to get whatever they want. Yep . Putting themselves first. That's how it is.

Speaker 2:

Oh , I was thinking about how, you know, as women, we are socialized from birth as little girls to have, we have the dollar house . So yeah . Have to the house and you want the husband, you want the children. It's what we are taught that this is our role as women. So I, you know, I'm thinking about how these women got caught up in something that basically you're socialized to you buy into that they at , you're supposed to be a mom, a wife. And again, these are successful women. So that's the only thing that's missing for them.

Speaker 1:

And he targeted them

Speaker 2:

And he exactly, he knew exactly who he was targeted and based on the lifestyle that they wanted, because these are women who travel they're well travel. So he know that that's what used to, so they might have been traveling first class. He upped the private jets. Cause you have to level up, ah , you see what I'm saying? Cause you're a prince. Exactly. You have to level it up. So I just want us to be mindful of how we judge other women and say, how could they get caught up in this? When me too are part , you know them , they catch me with the Cinderella, men afraid talk ,

Speaker 1:

Things, get catch to get education.

Speaker 2:

Hello me , know them . They catch me.

Speaker 1:

No, but for the people coming along, we're just giving them little red flag signs to say red flags. This is what you look for. Don't try not to be us. It's very hard, especially when you're lonely and somebody's really sweeping you off your feet. But there are things, there are red flags there. Don't ignore. Don't

Speaker 2:

Ignore.

Speaker 1:

Trust your gut.

Speaker 2:

Yep .

Speaker 1:

Trust holy spirit. And a lot of times you get caught because out of desperation, you like it's , this is your last, last hope. Desperation is as stench that the people who are going to use your them can smell it on you from

Speaker 2:

Afar.

Speaker 1:

So if you're ever confused about what real love is, I'm gonna give you a list and you do that checklist every time you feel the fields . Every time someone says, I love you. Every time you feel like you're about to fall in deep. I need you to pull out this checklist and make sure that you're really in love. Okay? I'm gonna go down a list of 14 things That love is Here's your tester. Love is patient. Number two. Love is kind Love is not jealous. Hm , Or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. Uh oh it is not irritable. It keeps no record of being wronged. It keeps no record of being wronged. I'm gonna say this one another time. It keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice, but rejoices. Whenever the truth wins out, Love never gives up. Now, are you really in love? Let's pray. Holy spirit. We ask you for your help. We ask you for you to help us help those who Experience loneliness because they don't have anyone help. Those who are in the process of searching and dating. Just trying to find someone, a companion, a friend, a partner, but the journey has been tough. First, we ask you for special discernment that you would open their eyes, that they may see the truth about the people that they're interacting with. We also ask you father that you would reveal to them all counterfeits so that they will be able to find a true match. The one that you have sent for them. And most importantly, bring your love, your true love into their hearts so that they will have the standard for which to measure everything else. Bye . I pray your father that for those who are so stuck in a place of brokenness and they don't know how to come out, holy spirit stoop down to where they are stoop down to where they are, bro stoop, Lord God and lift them up. Flood them, flood them, flood them with their love in this moment, heal the hurt and heal the pain in Jesus. Amen.

Speaker 2:

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